A/N: Its my first ever SUJU fic! and and its KyuMin. 0.0

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            You knew from the first day you met him that the both of you would end up like this, only you were too afraid to make the move. When you were placed in the same room as him, so close but oh so far away, you ached in places you never knew existed, although some were familiar and particularly one that kept you hidden under the covers even when the night is sickeningly warm or under a cold shower when its -10°C outside.

It was blur. It was hazy. But it was so clear in your head. The image of Kyuhyun sprawled in front of you, eyes dark with desire, lips trembling from too much kissing and hands pulling you down for more used to be only something you saw in your dreams.

            Kyuhyun was not invited to join in but he sat himself opposite you and poured himself a glass of wine anyway. The wine was already half gone by then; your pathetic attempt to drown your sorrows of unrequited love with the person who is now ironically sitting opposite you. You stare warily at the figure sitting in front of you and wondered what you ever did to deserve such torture of watching the love of your life sipping wine with that beautiful mouth of his.

            It was hot. It was sweaty. But it was good, so good. You pushed him onto the bed but only after stripping him down to nothing but skin; smooth, pale and absolutely delectable. You followed him down, hands roaming, eager to touch, eager to feel, to make sure none of this is a dream because somehow this feels too good to be true.

            Maybe it was the wine, maybe you just couldn’t take it anymore. A clear answer is better than getting drunk on tears and wine and hurting because he’s right there and you can’t touch him. So you crawled yourself to his side and he looked at you questioningly. You told him you’re not drunk before you pulled him in for a long awaited kiss and nothing mattered anymore. All you knew for the next few seconds or was it minutes was how his lips tasted so much better than all the wine you’ve been drinking, how they were so much softer than he imagined and how Kyuhyun although taken aback at first quickly warmed up and opened his mouth.

            It was rough. It was fast. And when bright lights filled your vision, you wanted time to just stop because this moment was everything you ever wanted and never thought you needed. When reality slipped back in, you fear what was to happen. You hold your breathe, unwilling to accept the possibility of going back to square one because this time your heart would not be able to take it anymore.

            He pulled you into his arms, whispered something that went like let’s do it some more. You turned around, opened your eyes and saw the glow in his eyes. His lips pulled up in a smirk and you knew this is how you will always end up; breathless.

            Hey, Sungmin, breathe.

If you’re looking to go into a relationship,
isn’t it important to like the guy first before you love him?

Ji Yong plops himself on the sofa next to Seungri and watches him in amusement as he flips from channel to channel. When Seungri realizes that there's nothing interesting on the tv, he turns to Ji Yong and asks, "What are you doing here? I thought Young Bae hyung asked you out just now."

Ji Yong shrugs, not answering his question and instead replies, "I'm bored. Got anything to do?"

Seungri smiles and without missing a beat, says almost nonchalantly, "Do me."

"Wh-what?" stutters Ji Yong a few seconds later, staring at the young boy sitting in front of him with his hands clasped on his laps and a twinkling in his eyes who's asking him to what? Do him? Is he dreaming again?

He’s just about to slap himself awake when Seungri beats him to it by no, not slapping him, but by leaning in and giving him a quick peck on the lips. Oh, yeah. He’s pretty sure he’s awake, especially when he licks his lips and tasted yang geng.

“You have been stealing hyung’s yang geng, haven’t you?” Ji Yong says in an accusatory tone, still licking his lips.

“I know you like it, hyung. So.. are you still bored?” questions Seungri.

“Yea, a bit. But I know what I can do now,” replies Ji Yong with a smirk on his face.

“What?” asks an anxious Seungri.

Ji Yong pulls himself forward until his lips are merely one inch away from Seungri’s. He breathes the sentence, “Do you, of course,” before claiming Seungri’s sweet tasting lips with his own and finding himself a new hobby.

If I didn’t know her well enough, I would think that she’s taking the news pretty calmly but I do and the smile I see plastered on her face right now is the fakest I have ever seen since I met her.

In her eyes, I saw pain. I saw her unwillingness to believe what I was saying to her, what I was doing to her. She was putting on that smile, the one where it will turn into a short laughter when I tell her it’s all a joke, except its not.

It was the only way I could protect her. Clichéd I know but it was true. It broke my heart when I realized what I had to do. She might have been happier by my side but would she be happy if her privacy is poked and prodded every single second of her life, where nothing she does will go unnoticed and every action she takes is judged just because she is the girlfriend of a famous idol? I love her too much to allow that kind of intrusion into her life. The price was too much to pay just to be with me. I of all people should know how tough the life of a star, of an idol should be. My manager was right, if I love her, I would let her go.

It had been 2 years and 3 months and 14 days since I walked away from her smiling face, not that I’m counting. I just have a strong memory and good counting skills. My days since then have been filled up with performing, filming, singing, producing, and on most lonely nights, pulling back all those memories I had with her that are pushed to the back of my head during the busy days because they would just distract. But during the nights when only the soft breathing sounds of the other members could be heard, I get reminded of how she used to fall asleep in my arms and wake up complaining about how her neck aches from sleeping on my bony shoulders. And when I write, she becomes a source of inspiration, a muse for all the sad heartbreaking love songs I put on the paper.

I’m so sorry but I love you.

Imagine my shock when I saw her on a TV show one morning. She was introduced as an upcoming star specializing in dancing. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Toned body from all the training, her dark brown hair which has grown to below her shoulders and her eyes that used to smile as she smiles now burn with fire and passion but no longer crinkle at the corner when her lips lift in a smile.

I met her again a few days later in a friend’s party.

“Congratulations,” I said to her as she walked up to meet me.

“Thanks, but I should be the one thanking you,” she said, her eyes twinkling in the low light.

“Why?” I asked, puzzled.

“You were the reason,” she replied. I looked at her with questioning eyes.

“You were the reason I worked so hard to become who I am today. I became someone who could fit into your world because I knew it was the only way to get into your life. This was the only way I know how to smile again. I need you by my side,” she explained.

Smile and everything will be alright because I will be by your side.

I remember when I said that. It was the second time I saw her on the school’s rooftop. The first time, she was just sitting there smiling to herself as she writes into a little book. It started to pour suddenly and when she got up to leave, something fell out of her book. A bookmark I later realized as I picked it up and took it home to dry. It got all wrinkled as paper get when they get wet then dried but I figured I should still return it to her.

So I went the second time and I saw her standing at the edge of the roof, the part where the wall is a little lower than the rest. For a split moment, I thought she was going to jump or something but I was wrong, thank God. She was just standing there having the wind blow at her face and mess up her short little bob-cut hair. As I walked closer, I saw tears running down her cheeks and I realize the wind was to blow her tears away too. I returned her bookmark that day and that’s when it all started. I never found out why she was crying but I did tell her as we parted ways, smile and everything will be alright because I will be by your side knowing that there’s where I want to be for just about the rest of my life.

“Earth to Kwon Ji Yong,” she said as she waved her hands in front of my face.

I looked at her and I couldn’t think of anything else but to pull her into my arms, arms that had craved her these 2 years 5 months 23 days and crash my lips to hers. I’ve missed her, missed her so much. And when we pulled apart, I see the smile I use to love and I know its there to stay.

A cut, red ink, stained pink, will this ever end? I saw a faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes and I know I will never do it again, not this way.

I’m sorry this scar lasted till the morning.

 
Why do you do this to yourself?

You, of all people should understand.

I do but you don’t.

I don’t want to.

* * *

Sun’s high in the sky, the rays highlighting streaks of gold and amber in your hair normally unseen under white fluorescent light. What beautiful colors they are, so alive, hidden behind bright-colored caps and red beanies with white stars. If only you can see what I see.

* * *

Broken shards of mirror, broken shards of promises; 7 years of bad luck.

You said you won’t do it again.

I know. Sorry?

* * *

I brought you to the beach, the one you said you’ve always wanted to go since you saw it in one of your forwarded mails about how its sand is black.

But why black?

So that no one can see the dirty footprints I leave behind.

We sat right on the edge where the waves brush back and forth, playing tag with the sand. Your head on my shoulder, we sat there watching the sun set.

We should leave. The sun’s down, its getting cold.

No, all the warmth I need is right here sitting by my side.

* * *

Subtlety; you think I didn’t know? You loved me the moment your eyes met mine.

Why don’t you sit here? You look sad sitting at the back.

I like being sad.

But that changed when I found you or is it when you found me?

I hear the lies you hide behind your laughter. I see the pain you masquerade through those easy smiles you throw at everyone you see. You are as lonely as I am and as desperate. I’ll give you credit though, for a being a better pretender than me.

* * *

Chemistry’s such a boring subject.

Small dark musty room at the back of the lab, that’s where we always hide during chemistry class, coming out only when the teacher says, “Okay class, this is it for today.” We'll crawl back to our chairs, grab our books, say thank you and walk out as if we learned about ionic equilibrium and knew what Friedel-Crafts alkylation is all about.

We used to just talk or gossip or laugh soundlessly about things. That changed one stormy morning.

There’s something on your lips.

Ssshh, keep it low. The whole class is gonna hear you.

No worries, the skies are on our side.

Crap, zip’s stuck.

Oh yes, ahhh, you feel so good.

Faster, yes, faster! The class ends in 5 minutes.

Silenced moans, bruised lips, ruffled hair, half tucked in shirts, what a beautiful world you introduced me to in that dark dusty room. The teacher asked you why your pants were so dirty and me why my buttons were at the wrong hole. You told her my pencil dropped and rolled under the table and you crawled under to get it back for me while I explained how waking up late for school doesn’t give me enough time to get my buttons right. Stepping out of class, you turned around and started unbuttoning and buttoning them back into the right holes. Later that day, you told me chemistry wasn’t such a boring subject anymore.

* * *

You were absent today, so I hid in the toilet. Heard the sound of the toilet flushing in the next cubicle and I couldn’t help but compare myself to it. The old me, indifferent, cold with no care for this world flushed away just like that when I met you. Replaced by an alien I cannot recognize, clingy and hungry for love, unable to survive even one day without you. How pathetic. I sat through chemistry class in the end just to prove I can still live without you.

Hey, miss me?

No.

Liar.

* * *

You did it again. You promised. But you did it again. Do you not know how much I hurt every time you’re hurt? 

You told me you’ll never leave any scars behind.

Proportion, addiction; either one. But I ..

No, don’t promise me you’ll never do it again. Just, just let me catch you when you fall.

Are you strong enough?

Yes.

Okay.

A/N: i'm just trying out the LJ cut thing. lol. there might be a two-shot to this. depends. (: btw, the LJ cut thing is really cool. xD 

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You once told me, smile and everything will be alright.

So I smiled as you spoke the words that broke my heart. I smiled as tears ran down my cheeks, unable to comprehend what you were trying to say to me. Sorry? Leave? Goodbye? But I still smiled as you turned around and walked away. Even when I fell to the ground, despair swallowing me in its darkness, a smile was still pasted on my face.